the applicant

CEO So. I went to Seattle.

CFO Did you meet Bozo?

CEO DO NOT CALL HIM THAT.

At least twice, I started to say Mr. Bozo and caught myself.

CFO Sorry, so what did he say?

CEO He said The Child might visit.

CFO Omg.

COO I don't think we should use that word either.

CFO Good point. From now on, whenever we're tempted to say God, let's say doG. Or Dog. Either one. I think. Maybe.

CIO Shut up. I'm still recovering from the time you suggested we should try to automate the incab toilet to wipe

CFO Washlet.

CIO Whatever.

CEO Could we please just focus?

CMO Exactly. Yes. Focus. Omg. Wait 'til I tell my husband.

COO I was serious. We ought to stop using that word.

CMO Yes, right. Sorry, I mean correct, spouse.

COO No,

[CHRO opens door]

CTO Does your husband know?

COO I meant dOg.

[CHRO & CSO walk in.]

CHRO No what?

CFO What are you talking about?

[CSO closes door.]

CTO That their nephew is visiting.

CSO & he said?

CHRO Her husband's?

CMO Yes, exactly. He said no.

CEO Focus!

CSO Let's focus on the next ad rollout.

COO Good point. Which one of you ladies is doing the Keynote?

[CBDO opens door, CISO enters, CBDO enters & closes door.]

CBDO Excuse me for interrupting, have any of you heard of this attorney wishing to get her CDL?

CFO Nooo, really? No, none of us know anything about that.

CISO The CFO did just suggest yesterday that we get an office dog.

CFO Yes, I did. What does everyone think if we call IT Jesus?

CIO Male or female?

CFO I've investigated getting a hermaphradite Black Labrador. There's a breeder in Georgia that specializes in hermetic Black Labradors.

CSO I think you mean hermaphroditism.

CMO Hermaphroditic.

CHRO Jesus? I'm pretty sure the Ragheads won't like that?

CMO Bad word!

CIO What about the kikes?

CMO Stop.

CBDO & SHe speaks Chinese.

CFO O rally? A Chink? Which dialect?

CBDO Japanese?

CIO I think you mean Korean.

CHRO Korea's not in China.

CCO Neither is Japan.

COO They're in Taiwan. Idiot.

CFO There's a sliding scale for the gender. They don't guarantee you get what you order, and there are no refunds. Very expensive.

CEO Please shoot me.

CSO SHe's a pacifist.

CHRO Who?

CFO The DOG jesus.

COO Or how about A Dog called Heysus?

CIO Sure, like the Nips & the K_____'ll be fine if we just don't use a J.

CMO Language!

CISO Either way, I don't think we need worry about Jesus shooting our CEO. There could be a cyber issue. Apparently, she drives one of those pickup trucks.

CGO Shall I start recording?

CEO NO!

[Chief Species Security Officer opens door. Room goes silent. CS²O enters, quietly closes door. Turns to face the table. Grins broadly.]

CS²O The cafeteria has the Angle Krueller donuts!

CEO Start recording.

CGO Any agenda items from last meeting?

Chief Racial Relations Officer No. Nothing. Let's talk about the d0g.

CFO OK.

COO Now let's just wait a minute here. I'm concerned about several items from last week's meeting.

CMO Such as?

COO Firstly, the guest glazed over more than several critical areas of concern?

CTO Pardon me, my husband was at his Harvey J. Weinstein Kumbaya Rehabilitation retreat, so I had to drive the kids to and from school. Who was the speaker?

CIO The Secretary of Homeland Security brought to you by Hard E Har Har.

CR²O Agreed. For instance, this Superhighway xhe wants us to build from Darién to Alaska.

CFO I went to prep school in Darien.

COO It's in South America. Not Connecticut. Stupid.

CTO Central.

CR²O Anywho. Did the Secretary mean free as in, we make no money free, or free like people are free to pretend they are free, free?

CS²0 I'm going to refill my coffee and get more donuts. Anybody else want some?

CBDO [Scrolling F___book.] I think she's a he.

CFO Let's not go there.

CIO That's only gonna get us more wetbacks.

CMO Omg.

CFO LANGUAGE!!!

CIO Sorry, Wetbacks.

CMO If they'd mentioned in my interview that I was going to work for the Christmas Adventurer's Club, I'ld've better prepared.

COO [Scrolling porno site] Apparently, SHe's a slut.

CISO My contact in the Swiss secret police informs me she has a video-graphic memory.

[CS²O stands, CDO wheels to door, opens door, CS²0 exits, CDO closes door, returns to table.]

CDO Does anyone mind if I smoke?

COO So it's a 10 km wide strip?

CEO Correct.

CDO [Exhales cigar smoke.] & 100 km long?

CEO Yes.

CMO & the land is ours?

CEO Incorrect.

CMO Then how do we get paid?

CS²O [Returns with plate of donuts and an espresso with a lemon twist.]

COO We build stuff.

CISO We're a trans company. We trans. Sometimes we port. We don't build stuff.

Chief Zen Officer Sometimes, if we embrace our inner children, we can step outside our comfort zones.

CFO You, weren't you born in this country, were you?

CMO Is the Secretary a lesbian?

CFO Why?

CTO It's possible, although I've never licked her pussy, so I don't know if it tastes like

CISO If the rest of you had used your own sperm to incubate the zygote in your own abdomen, you'ld be less thrilled about the whole reproduction thing.

CR²O So are we Red or Blue?

CEO That's an issue. Could we be both?

CMO Only if we are in a different Segment.

CEO So we could be Blue in one Segment & Red in another?

CS²O We could submit bids that way, there's no guarantee that would be an advantage or a disadvantage.

COO & SHe's a Communist?

CFO A Gorbachev, Stalin or Leninist?

CISO Like is she a CIA plant, a tyrant or a theorist?

CEO Maoist.